The Cool Ranch Doritos Taco Loco Review (and Updated Taco Power Rankings)

Every once in a while, a product comes along that has the potential to truly change an industry. When Taco Bell launched its Doritos Taco Loco in March 2012, it generated a social media firestorm. Teens lined up at midnight drive-thrus in an effort to be the first to taste the bold sensation. Twitter was flooded with pictures of dashboards covered in taco paraphernalia.

Much like any innovation, expectations for a follow up product are high. Every year that Apple releases another iPhone with a features list short of internet fanboy expectations can be seen as well, another year. It's almost as routine as the bodily functions that procede a Taco Bell meal. Somewhere, someplace, a nerd is duly disappointed as their favorite blog's predictions have failed to come true. So, does Taco Bell have another hit on its hands? Read on to find out.

When I was given my tray of tacos, the Cool Ranch Doritos Taco Loco was indistinguishable from the rest of the pile. Yes, I did buy a pile of tacos sadly. I was at first angry. I could not find my Cool Ranch taco! Was this some sort of viral marketing ruse? Had the Bell duped us all in an attempt to generate media buzz by not actually releasing the much awaited taco a day early as promised? And if so, how were all of T-bells workers in on it? 

I was not duped. In typical fast food fashion, for the purpose of efficiency, Cool Ranch tacos and Nacho Cheese tacos share the same weird inner cardboard holder. Now, one side of the strange holder is dedicated to each flavor of Doritos Taco.

Upon unsheathing my Cool Ranch taco, I could not help but notice its fragility. This is the same issue that I had with the original Nacho Cheese taco. One can only assume that whatever magical process takes place to create a Doritos taco must compromise the durability of the shell. This is an off-putting feature. The only thing that frustrates me more than an already broken taco shell is one that collapses mid-bite. My taco was broken when i got it and proceded to shatter even more as I bit into it.

As you can see, the Cool Ranch taco relies on Dorito dust to get the job done. The taco shell itself seems to taste no different from any other taco. The amount of Cool Ranch flavor you get is dependent solely on the amount of Dorito dust applied. I first tried the Supreme version. The Cool Ranch flavor did not come through for one reason or another. Much like with the Nacho Cheese taco, the Supreme Cool Ranch taco is inferior. The toppings of tomatoes and sour cream only cuts the Doritos flavor you're looking for. 

When trying the standard Cool Ranch taco, I found that the Cool Ranch flavor was more prevalent. But really, that flavor is only slight and the real taste is saltiness. 

Conclusion: 2 out of 5 Runs for the Border.

Much like its big brother, the Cool Ranch Doritos Taco Loco is a paradox of Taco Bell flavors. Ordinarily, one would expect any item with "Supreme" attached to it would be better. However, the Cool Ranch taco just isn't very good with the extra toppings. Even in its best form, the non-supreme version, the Cool Ranch taco just isn't that great. If you really want to combine mexican flavors with Doritos, your best bet is to grab a bag of Doritos chips and a tub of taco dip. Trust me, it's a bold flavor experience that the Bell just can't duplicate.

(Really hurting here, you guys.)

Update: Early 2013 Taco Bell Taco Power Rankings

Yes, I did eat all of these in one sitting. You're welcome?

7. Nacho Cheese Doritos Taco Loco Supreme 

Something about the combination of sour cream and nacho cheese dust really throws off my tastebuds. At some point, it starts to taste like a horrible curry. If you've never had a curry before, you might enjoy this taco. Otherwise, steer clear. 

6. Cool Ranch Doritos Taco Loco Supreme 

Just like the Nacho Cheese variety, the Supreme version of this Doritos taco makes no sense. The customer pays more and gets less. The extra toppings do nothing but mute the Doritos flavor you're after.

5. The Double Decker Taco 

I originally never considered the Double Decker in my taco power rankings. It's like a monstrosity out of Dr. Moreau's lab. An original crunchy taco is surrounded by a flour shell with beans squished in between. I never order the Double Decker because it usually just tastes like beans. But after a day of eating Doritos tacos, the mild flavor and lack of salt was a welcome change. 

                                

4. Cool Ranch Doritos Taco Loco

I'll admit, I'm somewhat biased. Cool Ranch has never been my favorite flavor of Doritos. 

3.  Nacho Cheese Doritos Taco Loco 

Even being my favorite flavor of Doritos chips could not catapult the Nacho Cheese Doritos Taco Loco  to the number one position. Taco Bell really didn't capture the Doritos experience. It's literally a crunchy taco coated in Dorito dust. We all expected an actual shell made of Doritos chips.

2. The Original Crunchy Taco 

The old standby still runs strong. I've decided to not create a separate category for the Supreme version as the toppings don't really change the overall flavor and they amount to only a personal preference. The great thing about the original taco is the ability to customize. T-bell has stepped up their game in the sauce department making it fun to run wild with the sauce. I'd gladly take one taco for each flavor of sauce packet.  

                                                 

                                             

1. The Volcano Taco 

The Volcano Taco really knows how to pack a punch. The only difference between a regular taco and Volcano taco is the Volcano's dark red shell and the addition of Lava sauce. If you think you've tasted this sauce at another restaurant, you're not wrong. I'm almost certain this is the same sauce used at KFC and Burger King to spice up various products throughout the years. Regardless, I'm a fan. The sauce itself is really spicy and has a great taste. Plus, it changes the texture of the taco shell. The shell starts to become moist in a good way. It has crunch, a good chewiness, and lots of spice. 

                                              

Best Film of 2012: The Master

A friend of mine used to work at a movie theater, and as you can imagine there is one really awesome benefit of having a friend who works at a movie theater. You guessed it, free tickets. Now admittedly, I’m the kind of guy that would normally save my trip to the movies for big motion picture events. You know, like, uh Spiderman and Terminator. This isn’t because I dislike dramas or arthouse flicks, it’s just that I’ve been in college (again) and so time and money have been sort of rationed. 

After graduating and taking the bar exam, my friend and I 

found a trip to the movies to be a good chance to catch up and get out of the house. 

When she invited me to see The Master, I jumped at the opportunity. This was a chance to see a film I ordinarily would not get to see in theaters and that had generated a decent amount of buzz. 

For the uninformed, it's hard to say what exactly The Master is about. Joaquin Phoenix plays the role of a man, Freddie Quell, who over the course of the film appears to be mentally ill or at the very least eccentric. Freddie falls from job to job, finding nothing but trouble along the way until he encounters Lancaster Dodd, played by Philip Seymour Hoffman.  Dodd is the leader of a group that may or may not be The Church of Scientology.

The Master brought together two incredibly strong performances from Philip Seymour Hoffman and Jaoquin Phoenix. I’m not sure the last time I felt so drawn towards characters. It’s rare to feel that you have fallen into the inner mind of a characters in a film, but when it happens it’s addicting. I found myself not wanting the film to end. 

Will The Master stand the test of time? Will I need to own this film on Blu Ray? Or will it end up like Paul Thomas Andersson's other film that I actually do own on Blu Ray, There Will Be Blood, a film that I adored at the time but have no interest in ever sitting through again?  I can't answer that question now, but I can say that the awkwardness, intrigue, and curiosity that The Master evoked made this my film of the year.

Best Album of 2012 : Baroness- Yellow and Green

Baroness is a band I've wanted to fall truly in love with since hearing their Blue Record. They've always struck me as a band of musicians first and foremost. Their sound is varied between heavy Southern modern rock and acoustic, roots inspired picking. Throw in a little ambient noise and you have Baroness.

However, I wasn't sure about their songwriting until this record. Yellow and Green is in my opinion their transformative album. The playing is more impressive, the vocals aren’t as gruff and buried, the melodies are catchier, and the sounds are even more varied.

This album inspired me for a number of reasons. To me, it gives me hope that a true rock band can exist today, that doesn't force a listener to place every sound and song into a genre. With 2012 being a year where we've had more access to music than ever before in human history, it’s easy to rest on our human nature and over-categorize bands to death for the sake of simplicity. Baroness didn't make that task easy for listeners. A band is at its best when rising above whatever genre critics would place them in, and Baroness did exactly that with Yellow and Green.

The band’s story in 2012 is also inspiring. While on tour in England they were in a very severe bus accident, leaving vocalist and guitarist John Baizley’s arm completely shattered. (An account of the accident from Baizley can be found here at http://baronessmusic.com/update-from-baroness/#more-501)

Baroness' John Baizley and Pete Adams share an acoustic performance of "Stretchmarker."